Relationship Tools . . . “How We Love” Part 1

Have you ever heard the saying, “You never truly know your loved ones until you know their childhood?”  Our experiences growing up, good and bad, left a lasting imprint in our souls that determined our beliefs and expectations about how to give love and receive love.

All of us have an imprint of intimacy, the sum of our learning how to love.  Our imprint determines our love style – how we interact with others when it comes to love.  Our ability to love is shaped by our first experiences with our parents and caregivers during our early years.  These early experiences leave a lasting imprint on our soul that is still observable in our adult relationships.

Many people end up thinking their relationship is difficult because they married the wrong person.  This isn’t usually the case as they report having the same reoccurring problems in their second and third marriages.   Discovering your core pattern; The predictable way you and your loved ones react to each other that leaves each of you frustrated and dissatisfied is crucial to getting over those same old destructive arguments. 31

Over the next several weeks, I’m going to be dissecting a book called, “How We Love”, by Milan & Kay Yerkovich that has FOREVER changed my relationships. This book offers valuable, life-changing information.  It can change how you love by giving you a clear diagnosis of and remedy for your relational problems.  Through this book I learned the root of why I distance during conflict while my husband my pursues.  It also revealed why his “niceness” was sometimes annoying and why connection was difficult for me.

When something is broken you cannot repair it unless you understand how it works.  What bothers us most about our spouse is undoubtedly related to painful experiences from our childhood and a lack of training in addressing the true challenges of marriage and relationships.  Some of these painful experiences we may not even be conscience of.

Our marriage problems did not begin in marriage and neither did yours!  You and your spouse or loved one are doing the dance steps you learned in childhood.  For each of us, a pattern of relating was set in motion long before meeting, causing you to relate to each other in certain ways.  During the next several weeks we will discuss some of the different love styles and how to recognize yours.

Often, your husband’s or wife’s unhealthy love style may be much more obvious to you than your own.  If you are struggling in your relationship, focusing on the behaviors of your loved one can make it difficult to see yourself objectively.  Once you determine which love style characterizes you, it can be used as the starting point from which you can move on to begin the process of growth.


STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT POST IN THIS SERIES:  Relationship Tools, How We Love Part 2

I am THRILLED to my core to announce we are having a How We Love Conference RIGHT HERE in our city!!!!!!

Register HERE for a Relationship Conference coming January 08-09th, 2016.

Relationship Conference







  • December 6, 2015 - 5:14 pm

    Mike Briggs - Super excited for this conference!ReplyCancel

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