Last night was a sleepless night. Maybe one hour was all I could force myself to stay asleep. I decided to get up instead of thinking with my eyes closed for the fourth hour in a row.
One of my littles had joined me in bed an hour earlier. I walked to my closet in the dark looking for my slippers. I closed the door behind me before turning on the light because even though my body was up, I wasn’t ready to task my parental authority. When I closed the closet door behind me, God whispered, “Good morning.” This is the place where I pray, my actual closet. When I close the door with the intent on spending time with my close friend, the atmosphere is Alive. This particular morning, I wasn’t yet headed in there to pray, so it was lovely to receive a gentle greeting that reminded me to start out my day by checking in.
During that time with God, my thoughts swirled into a question – “Who am I? What is my title? How do I currently define myself? Since I’ve recently begun the unexpected journey of Homeschooling and with extremely limited free time, my business ventures were put on hold. I struggled with defining this season and felt like it would make me feel more settled by giving it a title. I mentally thumbed through a list of my own suggestions, none of them fitting just right. I didn’t want to carry ill-fitting titles – ones with descriptions that partially resonated. As I was going through the list, I asked out loud, “Why do we need titles anyway? The answer I received is the nugget that I want to pass on [paraphrased of course].
When we strive to be titled, defined, trophied, pedestaled, positioned, mantled, pulpited, idolized, and admired to prove that we’re valuable, we miss the truth that this isn’t how God defines worth. Striving for titles is more about pride than about measuring our contribution. Titles in themselves aren’t problematic, rather pursuing them to prove your worth is the error.
Rather, pursue excellence shown by hard work, when no one is noticing which builds character. Building strong character is a weapon to defeat the counterfeit of seeking fake worth which is rooted in pride.
Is your lack of interesting-sounding status provoking you? Are you vying to define yourself because you have a wrong believe that just being you isn’t exciting enough? God’s best servants are often plain people who made themselves available to just say ‘YES’. You don’t have to BE something, just BE available.
Lesson learned: Earnestly pursue God and there I’ll find the correct answer to “Who I am?” I am more than a title, I’m a work of art. (Ephesians 2:10 We are God’s workmanship)